It's crossed our minds lately that we could rearrange Eddie's room to optimize space, because...

Yep! Coming in November!

So this is an option for optimizing space in our kids' room :)

Yippee for expanding our family!

Snapshots of Eddie Life

Here's the latest about our sweet lil Eddie! I've found I take more videos than I did before of our dear boy. It's just so amazing, his words, ideas and silly antics. So sprinkled in with the photos are some "moving snapshots" of his busy toddler life these days.

 Quite the artist!

Absolutely had a blast exploring a nearby canyon.

We have an outdoorsman!

"Rocketships" have become a recent favorite.

This is his countdown and "blastoff"!

This book was a baby gift from my dear friend and fellow Pride and Predjudice lover, Katie May.

It tells the basic plot line of the story, if you're not familiar with it. Eddie loves it because he can "read" it himself. 

He does love a good book!

Current favorites are Jonah, Daniel and the Lions, a great book we got from the library called "Flight 1-2-3", "Train Song", "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", and "Little Blue Truck".

And this is an old one from last fall, but oh so funny!
Thankfully, he has yet to figure out the climbing out part!

Never a dull moment! 

The Big Birthday Post

I only just realized I never documented all our birthday celebrations! With Eddie in December and then both Jonathan and I in January with Christmas sandwiched in between, it must have gotten lost in all the celebrating!

First,

Our lil' Eddie turns 2!

He does this adorable thing where he holds up both pointer fingers on each hand to say that he's two.

We had a little celebration with Great Grammy and Uncle Steven the weekend before his birthday. In typical two-year-old fashion, he only made it through one present, Steven's Thomas the Train play tent!

On the actual day, we went to a local mall in the evening. It's outdoors and was all decked out for Christmas. The whole month of December they do an evening "snowfall" where fine little white bubbles spray out from all over while "Let it Snow" plays in the background.

 He was actually kind of freaked out of the "snow".

(I don't blame him.)

And the highlight: riding the trolley car!

He kept calling it a "boose" (caboose). He LOVED it! 

(As we knew he would, anything train related is his favorite right now!)

In Illinois a few weeks later, Gramps made this awesome Thomas cake.

Eddie was impressed, but he was so fascinated by the blue rail train set he could hardly be pulled away from it, even for cake or presents! 

It went like this: 

"Eddie, it's time to open your birthday presents!"

Eddie: "NOOOOOOO!!!" (*sob*)

Then he'd half-heartedly open a present and get somewhat excited, only to return to the train! (This was a theme all through our Christmas, but he got his very own blue rail train from Gramps and Grammy, so we're all set!)

For my birthday, we were in San Diego at a work conference of Jonathan's. 

 Dunkin' Donuts!

Our hotel had this great deal which gave you a $5 coupon to spend at their restaurants for every day you didn't get your room cleaned. That goes a long way toward coffee and donuts! So Eddie and I shared a special birthday treat! He is now quite a fan of "donells"!

 That night we went out to a modern Italian restaurant in downtown San Diego.

So so so so delicious!

(I forgot to take a picture of the food before I ate it!)

Jonathan, unfortunately, had a miserable day at work on his birthday. Ugh! Adulthood is just not so fun sometimes! But we tried to make up for it with a special dinner at home!

 The one snapshot of celebrating Dad!

I made his favorite, bruschetta, and we put candles in yogurt dessert to sing. Eddie, having come to understand a little about what birthday means ("Candles!"), has thoroughly enjoyed all the birthday celebrations! But now we have to wait the whole year for more!

Prayer, a Rendezvous

Jesus said, "When you pray, go into your own room, shut your door and pray to your Father privately. Your Father who see all private things will reward you." He made prayer sound more like a secret rendezvous than a spiritual discipline. 

Where do you meet with God? 

It's funny how different times in my relatively short experience of Christian life I've found myself in a variety of prayer "closets". I often met God on an early morning run, my running shoes covered in a layer of Mexican desert dust while my heart centered in Christ as the sun rose over the mountains. Sometimes it was the quiet deserted sanctuary of the church on campus, all echoes and cool freshness, no matter the temperature outside. Then there was the season of grabbing a blanket and a thermos of coffee and walking down to the sand, finding a spot to join the waves in their continual praise of the Almighty.

Currently, this is my place to meet God.

My favorite is to be sitting down at the table with a cup of freshly brewed coffee, my bible and the specific verses on index cards outlining my prayer requests, a playlist of worship songs playing over the speaker, and a sleeping toddler in the other room. It's sweet. 

When I think about what all these places have in common, it's amazing to me, first of all that the God of the Universe met me in all those places. Also, I'm struck by God' faithfulness in teaching me and guiding me to what works for me. I think it's safe to say we, as God's children, have different prayer styles, unique settings that draw us to our Father. Over the years I've learned mornings work best for me, something about starting the day with Him. Music is always a big part of getting my heart in sync with God. The view helps too. But the most important thing I've learned regarding prayer is the depth and richness added by praying God's Word back to Him. Ultimately, He knows better than I what I need, what my friends and family need, what the nations need, what the day holds, and from experience I can say He faithfully leads me to the Scriptures that move my heart to partner with Him in what He's doing. That's a beautiful thing. 

Switching gears, lately I've been challenged to listen to my own words as I pray. Do I sound like I really believe that Jesus Himself sits across the table from me? Listening, asking questions, smiling, reaching out His hand with compassion in His eyes. Is prayer just a way for me to process my own thoughts? Does it feel more like my words are just drifting away into space? Or is it a true rendezvous--a conversation between good friends? I desperately want the latter. That's what has me getting up from the table feeling rested, centered, ready as I go to attend the, "Mama! Mom!" cries coming from down the hall.  

What works for you? Where do you meet God--right now, or where have you met Him in the past? I'd love to see a photo! 

December/January Travels

Merry Christmas!

A little backstory, just before this sweet moment between Baby Jesus and His Mama, Eddie was banging Jesus against the roof of the stable saying, "Ouch!" Perhaps a little more typical of a two-year-old. When I mentioned maybe Baby Jesus needed a kiss from His mama since He'd gotten hurt, Eddie put to use his new found knowledge that Mary was Jesus' Mama. That's what he's saying, "Mama Mary".

Our family traveled for the holidays this year. It was the first time we went to Illinois to be with family for Christmas. After several California Christmases, which are a blast, don't get me wrong, we were excited for a taste of our Christmas roots!

Festival of Lights!

Jonathan's family grew up going to the Festival of Lights. I can only remember going with the Zobrists once, although it was something to remember--we went in a limousine! However, I can't recall anything about the lights themselves, I only remember I was sitting on my mom's lap, not buckled in and I was terrified the whole time the police were sure to find out and I'd be carted off to jail. 

Anyway...this time was much more fun! We drove through the displays after enjoying shakes at Steak 'N' Shake. All this while we were staying at Embassy Suites in Peoria. So fun! Manager's Reception and board games, swimming and hot tub-ing, late night conversation, omelettes for breakfast! 

Of course, we had to celebrate Eddie's birthday again! We'd had a little party at our house closer to his big day, but we had another celebration at Gramps' and Grammy's. 

Gramps made an epic cake--Thomas the Train coming out of a tunnel! 

Eddie's favorite!

Jonathan's blue rail train which is still at his parents house, was a BIG hit with Eddie! He'd seen it on FaceTime, but in person, he was hooked. Not even birthday presents could tear him away from it! 

Decorating cookies and a gingerbread house!

My sweet nephew, Archer!

Christmas Eve we celebrated with the Sauders.

Pajamas all day! Ebelskivers for brunch, a tradition. Themed stockings, this year was "wearables", and ranged from ear buds, to socks, to temporary tattoos, to band-aids. My favorite Christmas activity with the Sauders is what we call, Gifts to the Family. Everyone has to come up with something to share with everyone. We spread them out throughout the day, and it's a blast! I put together a little booklet of Christmas songs and played the piano while we sang them. We had a Christmas story or two, a slideshow of pictures throughout the year, board game time (during which Eddie played with the train. Seriously. From time to time we'd hear, "A boten" (it's broken) when he'd need help hooking up a car or fixing the track, otherwise, he played by himself for over an hour!). I'd highly recommend gifts to the family, so much fun!

Christmas Day we headed to my parents' house to celebrate with the Zobrists the day after Christmas. Zach and Amelia came over to spend the night too, so we had late night snacks and conversation and games (something we did several times over the course of our trip, we stayed up way later than we should have!). 

Cousins!

It's crazy to think what the next few years will bring for these little guys! This Christmas was pretty mellow with 2 babies and a toddler, but just imagine two years from now! Yikes! They'll be getting into all kinds of trouble!

Then we had another big Christmas party with my mom's family!

Eddie participating in the traditional Knapp Family Nativity.

Oh the memories I have of dressing up with all my cousins to act out the Christmas story! It was so fun to get to dress up Eddie and have him join in the fun! He really didn't know quite what to think. But he did know he wanted to be a shepherd. Weeks beforehand I'd ask him, "What do you want to be, a shepherd or an angel?" It varied. But that night he was sure!

Me and my little shepherd.

It was a wonderful trip! No white Christmas, but such sweet memories with family! It was exhausting! A lot more celebrating than we've been used to in the past few years, and not being home in your own bed every night takes it's toll. We were ready to head home when the time came! Unfortunately, the day we were supposed to leave there was an ice storm. Everyone was without power, and, of course, our flight was cancelled. Thankfully we were still at my parents' house, didn't have to spend the night in an airport or anything. We were all packed up ready to go, but then stayed two more nights.

At the airport a few days later, ready to head back to warm California!

Just in time for New Year's! A big deal just south of us in Pasadena! 

We met up with some good guys (Jesse, Steven, Andrew, and Ryan)

For our traditional (at least we hope it becomes tradition!) walk down Orange Grove to see the floats lining up the night before the Rose Parade. Yes, Eddie slept instead of looking at the spectacular floats. Poor guy was still on Illinois time and it was late! We watched the parade the next day from the warmth and comfort of our living room! 

Then off traveling again! To Phoenix for the weekend to celebrate and send off a dear friend, Kailey, who is spending the semester in Jordan. From there straight to San Diego. Jonathan had a conference and Eddie and I came along for the ride. We stayed right in downtown which would've been such fun to explore except it rained all week. We did venture out some, but did a lot of relaxing and playing in the hotel.

It was my birthday while we were there!

Jonathan took me out to a delicious modern Italian restaurant!

Most notable about our stay in San Diego was how much time we spent looking out the window. We were on the 11th floor and from our suite we could see the train station and trains coming and going, the airport and airplanes coming and going, and the harbor and boats coming and going. It was a two-year-old boy's dream come true!

I got to visit a friend who recently moved to the San Diego area. She's a dear friend, kindred spirit, so it was so good to catch up, meet her new baby boy and watch her daughter and Eddie get reacquainted and play together.

Probably Eddie's favorite San Diego adventure was our trip to the Children's Museum. I basically followed him around while he explored (I learned why one usually plans these sorts of things with other moms and their kiddos).

Building stuff!

He could've hung out here all day 

pushing the wooden cars on this cool track!

The last day we were there, it was finally sunny! We took the stroller out and found this antique carousel! I couldn't resist!

He pretty much looked like this the whole time.

Like he was ready to bolt and leave this weird experience behind.

But he said it was fun afterword.

After all that fun! All that's left to say is...HOME SWEET HOME!

The Shift

Sometimes having not written in a while makes it even harder to know where to start. This time, even more so. I've been bumping into the question of what exactly this blog is to be about. Is it just a chronicle for our family? A place to put photos and memories so I can look back and remember? Is it a way share with family and friends scattered all over what's going on in our life? Or is it meant to be something more? In mulling over the question, I feel prompted to make it the latter. The fact is, I enjoy writing. I love putting words to thoughts and ideas, to the stories and memories that depict a slice of the everyday. Just reporting on the big and exciting isn't really a complete picture. Only showing the fun, the good, doesn't make the chronicle very true, although it might be easier. I'm beginning to see the value in using what I believe to be a God-given gift: the love of writing, to process the good and the bad, the fun things and the hard things and the character growth that comes from those hard things. Who knows, in doing so, I might provide some encouragement to someone somewhere, and even if not, I'm the blessed one since I'll have a deeper understanding of the ways the journey, the sojourning, shapes me and the people I love.

All that to say, it's time to dig deeper, to be more vulnerable, and see what God brings of it.

The reason it's been hard to share even the fun things we've done in the past few months, is that there's been a shadow. I miscarried just before Thanksgiving, and the loss shook me. All the dreams and plans nurtured in my mind and heart those ten weeks that my body nurtured a little life had to be mourned and pieced together into something that made some kind of sense. There's something to be said for the glorious thing that it is to host new life in your own body. Then to experience death instead, and host that very death inside you, is strange and in a way unnatural feeling. Don't get me wrong, from the very first I heard that this little life wasn't meant to live, God gave a sense of hope, and I clung to that. But the ache for those dreams, the ups and downs of raging hormones, the loss of something so loved and hoped for, had to be felt, grieved.

Surprisingly, as God led me ever so gently through healing, He uncovered a truth and I believe it will be the good He brings from this bad season. True to form, He works all things together for good. Even this. I knew that to be true, in my head, logically. But now I've seen it, experienced it, and know it to be true in my life, my soul, my heart. What I came to see was that I had come to see my direction in life, my purpose, my identity, as a mom. Yes, I'm still a mother to darling Eddie, every minute of every day. But now I see a difference between having the role and responsibility of being a mother and having motherhood be my reason for living. It's subtle. So much of what I do and who I'm learning to be is wrapped up in my mothering role, so naturally I began to see my life through that lens. It's not a bad thing in and of itself. But, you see, I believe my real reason for living is to bring glory to my Master. In this season, much of how I do that is by becoming the mom He wants me to be, becoming more like Him through the refining process of motherhood, but once it shifted to being my primary purpose, the direction of my life, my identity became wrapped up in it. Jesus is meant to be my Source. I am loved by Him, therefore I'm a mom. I love Him, therefore I want to be the best mother I can be by His grace.

Now I find myself trying to figure out what that looks like practically. It's a wonderful thing for a Christian to say, "My identity is in Christ." It's a much harder thing to actually live. One thing I know for sure, a major part of shifting my purpose and direction in life is taking time to center. Being still and seeking God in prayer and digging into His Words. I'm far from having mastered it, but I can say now, truly, I'm thankful for something hard like miscarriage. I surely hope I don't have to repeat that experience, but the suffering and reaching for God to make sense of it all led to what I hope will make me a better mom. Because I know, I am sure, I will be a better mother when I approach every moment from a place of security in my Jesus' love for me. Let it be so!