New Adventure!

I've been terribly unfaithful to this chronicle of our lives. Thanks for your faithfulness to read these words from time to time!

I want to invite you to check out my new writing adventure: Launching Rocket Babies!

Here's an excerpt from the title post:

I am not a rocket scientist. Not even close. But I’m married to one. Sort of. Actually he’s a mechatronics engineer, employed by NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, designing mechanisms to deploy satellite hardware to the tiniest fraction of a micron (link to definition). Somehow, by some glorious cocktail of natural talent and positive life experience, his brain works that way. Mine does not. Don’t get me wrong, I achieved good grades in school--even in math and science! But my natural affinity aligns more with words, art, and social interactions. While Jonathan is far from the stereotypical anti-social nerd type (*ahem* Sheldon), and he writes well enough author academic papers, needless to say, we’re wired a little differently. Which is wonderful.

Then along came our darling little children. Two boys, currently 3.5 and 0.75 (See what I did there? I can be scientific!) And while the younger one is still TBD, I see in the older one a lot of the natural tendencies that arguably served my husband well to get him where he is today. Of course, smarts are not only genetics, which brings me to my point. While I often feel massively unqualified, lacking a PhD in a STEM (Science Technology Engineering Mathematics) field, I want to give these littles a chance at becoming rocket scientists (if they want to).

So what does that look like? Good question. I don’t really know; that’s why I’m here. Because it’s not my natural inclination to explore, ask questions, experiment, be curious, research, figure things out, etc., I need a little accountability. I need a place to keep me intentionally adding a bit of STEM to this mothering gig. Who knows? Maybe we’ll end up launching some rocket babies.

Xander Joins the Family

Here he is.

After a long hot summer surviving on La Croix dressed up with fresh mint and frozen fruit, after those final weeks when grunts and sighs accompanied Eddie's invitation to play with him on the floor, after a limited wardrobe to go with my limited energy, and after hours upon hours of dreaming, planning, praying, and more dreaming...

He burst into our life!

Lil Alexander Man

Did I mention 21 hours of labor? Hey, that's half the time it took last time around! So I'll take it! I was forcing myself to choke down six dates everyday the weeks before he was born since they say it'll shorten early labor and help keep your water from breaking early on. Still I found myself with little baby contractions in the middle of the night, and after only a few hours of laying there in the dark trying to snooze, I heard/felt a *pop* followed by a little trickle. And everything proceeded to follow that familiar pattern--just like with Eddie, but in about half the time. 

Actually, laying in bed my contractions were the strongest and most consistent. Once I was up and moving, they came and went without hardly noticing. Every once in awhile there would be a really good one. Grammy was in town and came to stay with Eddie that morning while Jonathan and I stuck to our plan of a breakfast date. We did go to the Dish, that much closer to the hospital, just in case things would suddenly take a quick turn. They didn't. We took our time, went for a walk, did some window shopping. When we finally did get checked in to the hospital things were progressing steadily, just slowly. After several hours, right about 12 hours after my water had broken (with Eddie they let me go 24) I was put on pitocin to help speed things along (they actually remembered to turn it on this time!). And after several hours of that I felt like I'd accomplished my goal: make it as long as I can without an epidural. Once that kicked in at about 7:30 pm we settled in to wait for our precious little boy's arrival. We talked about his name. We still weren't 100% set, but since Eddie was ("His name is A'xander." He'd announce if you asked him about baby brother.), well, what do you do? 

Dr. Yun was not on call that weekend, but since the on-call doctor wasn't feeling well, she actually got to deliver him anyway! Just like with Eddie (noticing the theme?), after only a few pushes the staff cautioned that this part would be quick and they took their time. Almost everyone on the floor was in our room when he was born, perks of a small hospital with no other maternity patients, I guess. Lexi, our nurse, was a dear! She claimed we named him after her. She was a good sport with all my weird reactions to labor, heart rate speeding up with contractions being the strangest one.

Unlike giving birth to Eddie, this time I was on my back not my side so I could actually see as he made is debut. Wow, there really is nothing like babies being born. So miraculous, so amazing, but also so commonplace and ordinary at the same time. It's so strange to think that everyone has been born, but it's such a powerfully unique moment in time.

And then he was on my chest! Squirmy and red and chubby! Eight pounds, one ounce! They'd said he was measuring big! What a little honey!

And then, just when I thought my heart was full to bursting, the next morning Grammy brought Eddie to see his new baby brother! We'd done a lot of talking about what it would be like. On the way to the hospital he told Grammy he was nervous.

Weeks later, and still now, more than 2 months later, he'll randomly pronounce, "I love our baby! I'm not nervous anymore!"

Welcome, Lil Xander Man!

You are so loved!

The Altar of Life

Yesterday, as I reached for my journal, Eddie leaned from his place beside me on the couch and tugged on my arm.

"Scoot back," he said.

He wants to be close, to snuggle as he plays the shape game on the iPad and I write, read, sip coffee. It's rainy outside. Xander (I'll introduce you to him soon.) is content to snooze in the swing nearby.

This moment is all I treasure about Mom-hood in this season--my priesthood for now. Sure, there's a dryer full of laundry waiting to be folded and put away, emails need drafting, dirty dishes and unmade beds call for my attention. But I scoot back and snuggle in next to my little boy.

I chose to sit there and savor the moment, cherish it, offer it up like incense on the altar of my life.

"Welcome to your own priesthood, practiced at the altar of your own life."

-Barbara Brown Taylor

An Altar in the World

If there is a word that could sum up the past six months, I'd say cherish. In the months before giving birth again and welcoming another little boy into our family, I was doing my best to cherish the moments Eddie was my mom-world. To soak up with joy all the time I could give him my undivided attention without another mouth to feed, another bottom to clean, another little person needing me. I was taking note of the simplicity of life with just one child. I was cherishing the last times we'd do this or that as a family of three. 

Then my heart exploded as little Xander joined our family. And there was so much more to cherish, each moment calling to be held close because then it's gone. The little tiny baby stage is so fleeting, and the blur of adjustments and sleeplessness make it that much harder to really take in. There is a terrible ache in a mom's heart when her baby reaches milestones--all mixed in with the pride and delight and sheer joy of it! Because that means those little moments once savored are now memories to treasure. People tell you to enjoy this season because "it goes by so quickly!" Let me just say I've taken that advice to heart. These are cherished moments I'm living these days. And I don't want to miss a thing!