For everything there is a season... ecclesiastes 3:1
Your statutes have been my songs in the house of my sojourning. psalm 119:54
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Friday, January 20, 2017

Xander Joins the Family

Here he is.

After a long hot summer surviving on La Croix dressed up with fresh mint and frozen fruit, after those final weeks when grunts and sighs accompanied Eddie's invitation to play with him on the floor, after a limited wardrobe to go with my limited energy, and after hours upon hours of dreaming, planning, praying, and more dreaming...

He burst into our life!
Lil Alexander Man

Did I mention 21 hours of labor? Hey, that's half the time it took last time around! So I'll take it! I was forcing myself to choke down six dates everyday the weeks before he was born since they say it'll shorten early labor and help keep your water from breaking early on. Still I found myself with little baby contractions in the middle of the night, and after only a few hours of laying there in the dark trying to snooze, I heard/felt a *pop* followed by a little trickle. And everything proceeded to follow that familiar pattern--just like with Eddie, but in about half the time. 

Actually, laying in bed my contractions were the strongest and most consistent. Once I was up and moving, they came and went without hardly noticing. Every once in awhile there would be a really good one. Grammy was in town and came to stay with Eddie that morning while Jonathan and I stuck to our plan of a breakfast date. We did go to the Dish, that much closer to the hospital, just in case things would suddenly take a quick turn. They didn't. We took our time, went for a walk, did some window shopping. When we finally did get checked in to the hospital things were progressing steadily, just slowly. After several hours, right about 12 hours after my water had broken (with Eddie they let me go 24) I was put on pitocin to help speed things along (they actually remembered to turn it on this time!). And after several hours of that I felt like I'd accomplished my goal: make it as long as I can without an epidural. Once that kicked in at about 7:30 pm we settled in to wait for our precious little boy's arrival. We talked about his name. We still weren't 100% set, but since Eddie was ("His name is A'xander." He'd announce if you asked him about baby brother.), well, what do you do? 

Dr. Yun was not on call that weekend, but since the on-call doctor wasn't feeling well, she actually got to deliver him anyway! Just like with Eddie (noticing the theme?), after only a few pushes the staff cautioned that this part would be quick and they took their time. Almost everyone on the floor was in our room when he was born, perks of a small hospital with no other maternity patients, I guess. Lexi, our nurse, was a dear! She claimed we named him after her. She was a good sport with all my weird reactions to labor, heart rate speeding up with contractions being the strangest one.

Unlike giving birth to Eddie, this time I was on my back not my side so I could actually see as he made is debut. Wow, there really is nothing like babies being born. So miraculous, so amazing, but also so commonplace and ordinary at the same time. It's so strange to think that everyone has been born, but it's such a powerfully unique moment in time.

And then he was on my chest! Squirmy and red and chubby! Eight pounds, one ounce! They'd said he was measuring big! What a little honey!




And then, just when I thought my heart was full to bursting, the next morning Grammy brought Eddie to see his new baby brother! We'd done a lot of talking about what it would be like. On the way to the hospital he told Grammy he was nervous.




Weeks later, and still now, more than 2 months later, he'll randomly pronounce, "I love our baby! I'm not nervous anymore!"


Welcome, Lil Xander Man!
You are so loved!




The Altar of Life

Yesterday, as I reached for my journal, Eddie leaned from his place beside me on the couch and tugged on my arm.

"Scoot back," he said.

He wants to be close, to snuggle as he plays the shape game on the iPad and I write, read, sip coffee. It's rainy outside. Xander (I'll introduce you to him soon.) is content to snooze in the swing nearby.

This moment is all I treasure about Mom-hood in this season--my priesthood for now. Sure, there's a dryer full of laundry waiting to be folded and put away, emails need drafting, dirty dishes and unmade beds call for my attention. But I scoot back and snuggle in next to my little boy.

I chose to sit there and savor the moment, cherish it, offer it up like incense on the altar of my life.

"Welcome to your own priesthood, practiced at the altar of your own life."
-Barbara Brown Taylor
An Altar in the World

If there is a word that could sum up the past six months, I'd say cherish. In the months before giving birth again and welcoming another little boy into our family, I was doing my best to cherish the moments Eddie was my mom-world. To soak up with joy all the time I could give him my undivided attention without another mouth to feed, another bottom to clean, another little person needing me. I was taking note of the simplicity of life with just one child. I was cherishing the last times we'd do this or that as a family of three. 

Then my heart exploded as little Xander joined our family. And there was so much more to cherish, each moment calling to be held close because then it's gone. The little tiny baby stage is so fleeting, and the blur of adjustments and sleeplessness make it that much harder to really take in. There is a terrible ache in a mom's heart when her baby reaches milestones--all mixed in with the pride and delight and sheer joy of it! Because that means those little moments once savored are now memories to treasure. People tell you to enjoy this season because "it goes by so quickly!" Let me just say I've taken that advice to heart. These are cherished moments I'm living these days. And I don't want to miss a thing!

Saturday, April 9, 2016

It's crossed our minds lately that we could rearrange Eddie's room to optimize space, because...

Yep! Coming in November!

So this is an option for optimizing space in our kids' room :)
Yippee for expanding our family!

Friday, February 26, 2016

Snapshots of Eddie Life

Here's the latest about our sweet lil Eddie! I've found I take more videos than I did before of our dear boy. It's just so amazing, his words, ideas and silly antics. So sprinkled in with the photos are some "moving snapshots" of his busy toddler life these days.

 Quite the artist!

Absolutely had a blast exploring a nearby canyon.
We have an outdoorsman!

"Rocketships" have become a recent favorite.
This is his countdown and "blastoff"!

This book was a baby gift from my dear friend and fellow Pride and Predjudice lover, Katie May.
It tells the basic plot line of the story, if you're not familiar with it. Eddie loves it because he can "read" it himself. 

He does love a good book!
Current favorites are Jonah, Daniel and the Lions, a great book we got from the library called "Flight 1-2-3", "Train Song", "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", and "Little Blue Truck".



And this is an old one from last fall, but oh so funny!
Thankfully, he has yet to figure out the climbing out part!

Never a dull moment! 



Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The Shift

Sometimes having not written in a while makes it even harder to know where to start. This time, even more so. I've been bumping into the question of what exactly this blog is to be about. Is it just a chronicle for our family? A place to put photos and memories so I can look back and remember? Is it a way share with family and friends scattered all over what's going on in our life? Or is it meant to be something more? In mulling over the question, I feel prompted to make it the latter. The fact is, I enjoy writing. I love putting words to thoughts and ideas, to the stories and memories that depict a slice of the everyday. Just reporting on the big and exciting isn't really a complete picture. Only showing the fun, the good, doesn't make the chronicle very true, although it might be easier. I'm beginning to see the value in using what I believe to be a God-given gift: the love of writing, to process the good and the bad, the fun things and the hard things and the character growth that comes from those hard things. Who knows, in doing so, I might provide some encouragement to someone somewhere, and even if not, I'm the blessed one since I'll have a deeper understanding of the ways the journey, the sojourning, shapes me and the people I love.

All that to say, it's time to dig deeper, to be more vulnerable, and see what God brings of it.

The reason it's been hard to share even the fun things we've done in the past few months, is that there's been a shadow. I miscarried just before Thanksgiving, and the loss shook me. All the dreams and plans nurtured in my mind and heart those ten weeks that my body nurtured a little life had to be mourned and pieced together into something that made some kind of sense. There's something to be said for the glorious thing that it is to host new life in your own body. Then to experience death instead, and host that very death inside you, is strange and in a way unnatural feeling. Don't get me wrong, from the very first I heard that this little life wasn't meant to live, God gave a sense of hope, and I clung to that. But the ache for those dreams, the ups and downs of raging hormones, the loss of something so loved and hoped for, had to be felt, grieved.

Surprisingly, as God led me ever so gently through healing, He uncovered a truth and I believe it will be the good He brings from this bad season. True to form, He works all things together for good. Even this. I knew that to be true, in my head, logically. But now I've seen it, experienced it, and know it to be true in my life, my soul, my heart. What I came to see was that I had come to see my direction in life, my purpose, my identity, as a mom. Yes, I'm still a mother to darling Eddie, every minute of every day. But now I see a difference between having the role and responsibility of being a mother and having motherhood be my reason for living. It's subtle. So much of what I do and who I'm learning to be is wrapped up in my mothering role, so naturally I began to see my life through that lens. It's not a bad thing in and of itself. But, you see, I believe my real reason for living is to bring glory to my Master. In this season, much of how I do that is by becoming the mom He wants me to be, becoming more like Him through the refining process of motherhood, but once it shifted to being my primary purpose, the direction of my life, my identity became wrapped up in it. Jesus is meant to be my Source. I am loved by Him, therefore I'm a mom. I love Him, therefore I want to be the best mother I can be by His grace.

Now I find myself trying to figure out what that looks like practically. It's a wonderful thing for a Christian to say, "My identity is in Christ." It's a much harder thing to actually live. One thing I know for sure, a major part of shifting my purpose and direction in life is taking time to center. Being still and seeking God in prayer and digging into His Words. I'm far from having mastered it, but I can say now, truly, I'm thankful for something hard like miscarriage. I surely hope I don't have to repeat that experience, but the suffering and reaching for God to make sense of it all led to what I hope will make me a better mom. Because I know, I am sure, I will be a better mother when I approach every moment from a place of security in my Jesus' love for me. Let it be so!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Adventures with Eddie

Hey, all! Eddie here.
I'm going to tell you all about my adventures lately.
Here goes!

My First 4th of July!
Fireworks are pretty cool!
The first big boom and bright flash sort of freaked me out a little,
but then it was fun to watch!
Waaaay past my bedtime, but I don't mind!

Sparklers are mezmorizing!
Mom thinks I might turn out a pyro, like Dad.

Let's see...
what else have I been up to lately?

Grocery shopping with Mom!
Don't let my squinting eyes fool you! I love going to the grocery store! So much to watch!

Swimming!
There are these nice people right around the corner from my house
that let me swim in their pool.
I love it! 

This is me getting comfy in the stroller taking a nap.

I like to "hang out" with Dad.

We read books. I love reading books!

We rode on an airplane!
I like flying! Good thing, cuz Dad does too!

We flew to Tucson then drove the Magdalena because
Mom played the piano for a wedding there.

I tried my hand at playing the piano too.
For some reason it didn't make any sound when I did it.

In Mexico, I got to hang out with some of my favorite tias!
Tia Yaneli

Tia Tania

Tia Katie
She gave me whipped cream, so I like her a lot!

Then, a strange new adventure!
Sour! 

I'm so unsuspecting!

Um, something's not right.

Mom!! What is that?!

Yuck!

Oh, yeah! And...
I'm 7 months old!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Lil' Eddie's Birthday

Disclaimer: this post is a birth story, just giving you fair warning. If it's too much information for you, I'm not at all offended if you opt not to read it. Mostly I just want to be able to look back and remember the details of Eddie's arrival. And I also enjoyed reading a fair amount of birth stories on other people's blogs, so if there is someone out there like me, here you go--it's a great story!

Jonathan and I had a bet. Whoever's guess was closest to Eddie's actual birthday won the privilege of choosing the activity for our first date without the baby. I guessed Thursday; he guessed the Sunday. He must have been pretty confident I was wrong, because he scheduled about 12 apartment viewings up in Pasadena/Altadena on Thursday. It took all day, and it was exhausting! There were lots of duds, some places that were so-so, and a few we really liked. Needless to say, by the time we headed for home, we were both beat.

Friday morning I was rudely awakened at 4:30am by a contraction. I tried to go back to sleep, but ended up just laying there, resting. I didn't bother to time them or even wake Jonathan, since they weren't much, although steady. And they hadn't changed much by the time we got up a few hours later. Jonathan was planning to go into school, but when they got much stronger once I was up out of bed, and were coming about 5 minutes apart, he decided to cancel his comittments and stay home. After a hearty breakfast, we headed out on a walk down the Strand. The contractions were stronger when I walked versus sitting still or lying down, but I could still easily carry on a conversation. We were almost to the pier when I felt a few little gushes--my water breaking? It wasn't much, but we figured we'd better head back and at least call the Dr.'s office. On the way back, we timed the contractions: every 2 to 2 and half minutes, but they were short, only lasting about 30-45 seconds. Back at the Beach Cottage, I called in and they urged me that even if my water had only broken at a trickle, I should go to the hospital. I really didn't want to get stuck in a hospital room until I had to be, so we took our time getting there--ate some lunch, ran a few errands, stopped by Aunt Sue's for awhile (where I tried to take a nap, no luck). It was about 4:30 by the time we actually got to the hospital, and another hour before we were shown to a triage room. The Labor and Delivery unit was packed! I was hoping they'd send me home, but after making sure it really was amniotic fluid I was leaking, they checked us in for concern of infection. My doctor knew I really wanted to avoid pitocin, but from the get go she explained they'd have to start me on it if things weren't really going midnight. 

And so began our very, very long night. I hadn't slept since 4:30am, and hadn't eaten since a late afternoon snack at Sue's, and there we were, laboring all night long. I tried walking the halls, but I could only do that when I wasn't hooked up to the monitors keeping track of the baby's heart rate. The nurses were supposed to have me on the monitor for 15 minutes, then I could walk for 45, but they were so busy they'd often hook me up and forget about me for the better part of the hour. I mostly sat on an exercise ball and listened to the thumping of Eddie's heart, focusing and breathing my way through contractions which were still only about 5 minutes apart although they were growing in intensity. Thankfully, I always had steady contractions so they didn't have to start pitocin. Sometime during the night, Jonathan got a little sleep, and I laid down to try and rest. By 4am I was back on the ball, this time with Jonathan behind me rubbing my back--little Eddie was sunny side up and giving me some horrible back labor. 

Those early morning hours were the best. I was most focused, Jonathan was a great help, I had a wonderful, encouraging nurse, and things seemed to be progressing. They broke my water the rest of the way at about 6am when I was 100% effaced and 6 cm dilated, and while I was really tired, I was also really excited for things to be moving along--I couldn't wait to meet Eddie!

Over the next five hours, the pain intensified, as did my exhaustion. By 11, I figured we had to be getting close, and while it hurt really bad and all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep, I thought his arrival would have to be soon! I kept remembering Hebrews 12 where it describes Jesus enduring suffering "for the joy that was set before him". That's what I wanted, to persevere through the pain because I knew it'd be worth it! But it became harder and harder to maintain that perspective. What was left of my energy faded when my doctor checked, and I was still at 6 cm. She gently told me that the contractions would have to get a lot stronger in order to make any progress, and since it'd been so long since my water had first broken, they would have to start me on pitocin. After Jonathan and I talked, I decided I'd get an epidural. We were both so exhausted and the thought of making it through even one more contraction--let alone many and at a higher intensity--was just too much. 

The decision made, I settled in to what I thought would be the longest hour yet, as I would have to keep enduring the contractions while they got enough fluids into me to give me the epidural which would then take a while to take effect. But actually, it wasn't too bad. The IV diluted the hormone causing the contractions and they grew fewer and farther between. Getting the epidural went well, although any medical procedure tends to make me nervous. 

As the pain lessened, I was finally able to rest. I dozed some, but noticed after a few hours that I was really shaky. I thought it was just tension and nerves; like I said, any kind of medical procedure makes me anxious. But it turns out my blood pressure did something funky, and at the same time, the baby's heart rate had been spiking. They thought maybe Eddie wasn't liking the pitocin too much, although it was barely on. The nurse put an internal monitor on him, changed my position to something he'd hopefully respond better to, and also shot some more water into the womb since the other theory was that his cord was drying out since it'd been so long since my water broke. And the anesthesiologist came back in to give me a shot to help with the blood pressure thing. On top of all that, my contractions had slowed way down while they should have been increasing from the pitocin. Jonathan woke up in the middle of all this chaos. Everything seemed to be going wrong. He hid it really well, but he was really worried. I, on the other hand, felt great. Along with relief from the pain and finally being able to rest, I was also overcome with peace. I was so sure God could just say the word, and we'd have our baby boy, safe and sound. 

It was about 4pm, and Steven and Aunt Sue came to see how things were going. While Jonathan went out to update them, my nurse discovered why the contractions had all but disappeared. The pitocin had never been plugged in. It's a good thing I loved her so dearly, otherwise the fact that 4 hours had gone by with basically no progress because of her oversight would have been quite frustrating! In actuality, I'm glad I got those hours of rest, and I think we needed the reminder to trust in God, not the doctors and nurses and all their interventions.

Once they got Eddie settled down and the pitocin plugged in, we were finally in the home stretch! By 7pm, when the new nurse came on duty, it was obvious she was getting ready for the long-awaited delivery. The pitocin had done its thing and monstrous contractions were showing on the monitor. I didn't feel a thing! I could move around, carry on a conversation, it was actually enjoyable! 

A few hours later, I'd done a few trial pushes as the nurse coached me, but we were still waiting. By 9pm I was really uncomfortable and starting to feel quite a bit of pressure. The nurse had me switch positions to ease the discomfort, and suddenly things started clicking. Now with the contractions I could barely keep myself from pushing. Jonathan had to breathe with me through each one, and even then, the urge to push was overwhelming. The nurse was on the phone with the doctor, who was just 5 minutes away. I remember looking at the clock and thinking, I don't know if I can make it 5 minutes! It turned out being more like 15 minutes. They were torturous minutes, but I think they're what kept me from tearing. The poor nurse was starting to look a little frantic; with each contraction she would apply counterpressure to the baby's head while I did my best to resist pushing. Finally, and doctor walked in. I took her presence as liscence to give in and push that baby out! She hurried to get gowned up and ready; Eddie's head was already crowning. When he'd finally decided to come, there was no stopping him! Just a few minutes later, I was holding our son! 

     
 A very fresh Eddie.


 Dad holds Eddie for the first time.

 Eyes open, checking us out.

Showing off his muscles :)

All ready to head home.

Pretty miraculous! Suddenly--well, maybe 42 hours isn't quite "sudden", but...I guess in the grand scheme of things--suddenly there's a brand new human being, with little fingers and toes and a unique personality. Only a great Creator could accomplish something so amazing! What a glorious event!

=

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Motherhood at Christmas

Just "treasuring up all these things, pondering them in [my] heart."

I love being a mom. Lil' Eddie fills--to overflowing!--my heart with pure, sweet joy. I can sit and watch him for hours, stroking is soft cheeks, kissing his little forehead, delighting in his every expression. I knew I'd love my son, but...this...this powerful, joy-filled love must be divine. It simply must be. I think I have a more profound understanding of what the Bible means to say when it describes God's love for us like a mother's love and care for her child.

As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you...  Isaiah 66:12

And being that it's Christmastime, I keep thinking of Mary. A young, new mother, who was surely filled with the same joy that overflows my heart these days. I'm sure she absolutely marvelled, just stared in wonder, at her newborn Son--a helpless, precious, little baby boy, a glorious miracle. I'm sure she was awed, even more so than I am considering the experiences and events surrounding her baby's birth. No wonder she "pondered all these things in her heart"--Gabriel's visit and prophesy, Elisabeth's miraculous baby boy--prophesied to be her Son's forerunner, Joseph's dreams, the shepherd's unbelievable story of a sky full of angels, foreign kings coming thousands of miles to welcome her baby--the one who'd been born in a smelly, dirty stable! And on top of that, knowing, to some degree, that this precious little baby who filled her heart with such love and joy, was God's Promised One! He was the Word of God, made flesh! What could that even mean? Absolutely unfathomable! 

And this year, Jesus' miraculous birth takes on deeper meaning as I'm drawn into the same wonder Mary felt. I'm moved and stirred as I wonder over my sweet baby. And I find myself drawn into worship and completely awed by the same powerful, wonder-working God that Mary worshiped when she said,

My soul magnifies The Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior...for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name.  from Luke 1



Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Monday, August 5, 2013

The Grand Revealing of the Gender

Da-da-da-daaaaa!!!

Announcing!

Silly Goose is a boy!

We are thrilled!  I was so excited when we first found out, the nurse had to retake my blood pressure after asking me to take a few deep breaths to calm down a little!  

He's doing great!  Everything from the anatomy check looks healthy and right on schedule.  We got to see his extremely brilliant brain developing, all four ventricles of his heart, his spine, femur, cute little baby face, and, my favorite,

his adorable little baby feet!

What a miracle!

He's an active little guy, too!  I've been feeling him summersault, poke, kick, and squirm for a few weeks now.  And Jonathan is just starting to be able to feel him too!

Thanks for blessing us with love, support and prayers during this incredibly special stage of life!  We can't wait to meet our sweet little baby boy!  Halfway to December!

And in case you're wondering, while it's been a blast to share is gender with you all, we will be keeping his name a secret until his arrival.  There has to be some surprise!